While I constantly work upon myself to evolve into a better being ,I observe a pattern of emotional imbalance in my mind at frequent intervals .This extremities of emotions is not a repercussion of any success failure in my life rather it is the result of disillusionment in my mind. While working ,I feel content and focused. However when I think about my future goals,skepticism arise in my mind.It is not a depressive state for the period of inner hollowness is not prolonged.
Anyways,fed up of this weird feeling,I mailed to my great mentor,last night.Fortunately I got a call from him this morning and he answered my questions peacefully.So here I post the conversation(hope it helps few).
Teacher: Good Morning! I saw your mail early morning.It seems your are too perturbed.Well, what made you write that long mail.
Me: Sir,I was feeling anxious,sleepless and little abnormal last night and so just wrote my heart out.
Teacher: How ‘Abnormal’?
Me: I wrote about disillusionment and that is what makes me feel weird!
Teacher: This is what all of us suffer at some point in our life and so there is nothing abnormal.We all learn to face it by ignoring our negative thoughts as we focus on our karma!
Me: Although I am doing my karma yet I feel so dissatisfied.Moreover there is nothing such as negative thoughts in my mind.
Teacher: Any thought that drains your energy,leaving you unhappy is negative,so accept that you are indulging in negativity and your mind is becoming habituated to it.By the way,you are not doing your ‘karma’ well.
Me: Okay.What makes you say that I am not doing my duties well as I am working hard.
Teacher: One can indulge in such sinking thoughts only in idle time when one is escaping his karma or when there is probably no clarity in mind regarding the right karma.
Me: No,it is not like that.I am doing my duties well.It is only during the time when I am walking,eating,bathing or even trying to sleep that my thoughts run at a very fast pace and I feel hollow and blank at the same time.
Teacher: So don’t you think that even activities like walking and eating require the attention of your brain as they are important for your body.Thus,even they are a part of your duties that deserve to be performed well.
Teacher: Then why not live in the present when you have so much to do.Your plans to help the needy in the near future can be a reality only when you choose your thoughts wisely towards your goals.
Me: But goals make me disillusioned.
Teacher: Goals are the driving force,they can never make one feel disillusioned.It is the journey that you are fearing.You are forgetting your infinite potential and doubting your own capabilities.Don’t plan so much for you never know God’s will.All you can do is climb the little steps to your destination without fearing your fall.
Me:But the fear of fall will always be there!
Teacher: Why,what worse will happen when you will fall.In case you get injured,there are many antiseptics available in the market.Apply it and then resume the climb.
Me: It is not that easy to start again.
Teacher: It is not a new start for you will be an experienced fellow and so you will be more careful and wise.More the experience,greater the chance of your success!Moreover let me clarify further that this feeling of disillusionment is never a random thought but a pain of the past that has not fully healed and that sinks you down.Therefore develop immunity to face the obstacles and pain.Don’t try to suppress it or alleviate it by wasteful thinking or by taking overdoze of motivation otherwise this feeling will continue popping up.This is also the reason of your lacking will power.
Me: Yes you are right.I feel totally drained out during such times and that actually affects my other activities too.
Teacher: Just focus on performing your karma well,everything else will fall in right place and you will feel happy internally!Life is too short,don’t bother about the failures.Everyone has their own lows but choice is ours.Whether we choose to rise back to find the higher purpose of our life or continue being lost in the wasteful thoughts about our gone past or uncertain future,depends entirely on us.
Me: Yes you are right.Doing right karma at the right time whole heartedly will leave no time for me to sink in negativity.Thank you so much for your guidance.
Teacher: I hope,I made some sense and I will pray that you don’t cling to those thoughts again!